I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
