She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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