Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he thought i was a dude.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
