I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need water and some morals
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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