as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize