he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
