I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize