This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize