I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
