Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
