oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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