She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
