I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize