Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
