this boner is exhausting
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
