I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
