Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize