I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
