if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize