youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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