every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
