I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
