Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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