I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
