So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
