oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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