TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
