i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
