I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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