Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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