I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
