when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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