I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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