i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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