You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
