and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
