I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
