The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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