she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
