D3 body, D1 cock
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize