Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
