Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
