i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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