i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
