She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
