don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
