legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize