Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
