I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
