Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
