I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
