The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
