I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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