Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
