i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cockslap morals
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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