After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
