I haven't been this sober since birth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
