so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
