I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
