Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
