it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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