i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
