I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
