I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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