guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
