no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
