thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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