she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
