You're my little dorito
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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