chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
