You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
