Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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