The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
