he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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