there was a trapeze. enough said
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
