I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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