Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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