11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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