mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
