No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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