worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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