I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
