is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
