i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
