I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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