it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
