I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
