hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize