Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
