White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
