We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
