I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
