um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize