If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
