dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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