so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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