he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
