I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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