2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
