I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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