Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize