Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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