Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize